THE BLAH ABOUT BLAH

Blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blahblahblah. If ever in the Queen’s language was a word that can describe almost everything that is there without pretensions and without overdoing the obvious it is “blah”. The fact that this word is omnipotent had been a matter of great research for the scientists of the planet JOLGA BETA-IV of the eastern arm of the galaxy. The people of this planet had only this monosyllable in their lexicon and yet it was sufficient for the entire population to convey their thoughts and feelings. The scientists upon intense research and protracted investigation came to the conclusion that if and when they go public about their research, public response would be limited to a single word, and that being “BLAH” as the report was full of nothing but “blah”. So they abandoned the research and committed mass suicide , their last words being a collective “BLAH”.

Coming back to Earth, where the word has been as easily and consummately accepted in people’s lives as toilet papers, it is considered a powerful means of communication and is revered alongside other such powerful words like “FUCK”,”SHIT” etc.

Etymologists and anthropologists believe that “blah” was actually first used by trees before they stopped talking. The first use of the word “blah” was 2 million years ago when a Mango tree told his story of bitter divorce to his nearby standing guava tree. Incidentally it was an orchard and apart from the Mango tree all other trees were guava trees. Each guava tree decided to hear the story in person from the Mango tree. This created such a confusion for the Mango tree, who found that all guava trees looked alike and he would have to repeat the same story over and over again, that he became paranoid and all he could speak was a solitary “blah”. The word caught on with the other trees and they all started using it till they finally got exhausted and stopped speaking forever.

There are numerous examples from day to day life where “blah” has been found to be useful. Take the case of this reporter from a very reputed international daily who once had to scribble what our PM had to say about a particular nuclear deal that had started at some place, went on to some other place, turned around in circles and finally lost its way somewhere in The Bay Of Bengal where it was rediscovered by “red clothed politicians” who decided that the PM should be made to see red in the face for all the trouble they had undergone in finding the deal. That however is another story. To our reporter we must come back. So there she was with her paper, pencil, lipstick, handkerchief, paper soap, keys, bangles, blah, blah… After listening for a while, concentrating real hard for ages and trying not to fall asleep under the soporific effects of the speech, she realized that if she did fall asleep at that very moment and miss out on the rest of the speech, she can very easily replace all of it by “blah”. She did that and the next morning when the report was published nobody noticed the difference and the reporter went on to win some prestigious journalism award for publishing the “factually most accurate report of the year” for that very report.

A more common and widespread use of the word “blah” is when you suddenly meet an old acquaintance(whom you did not ever want to meet in the first place) while you are out in the market, looking for books that can increase your vocabulary(come to think of it, it can be any book, for that matter!). You would greet each other warmly and all you would remember of the conversation later would be nothing but a string of “blah”s( which would be considered a very profound conversation if you were on the planet JOLGA BETA-IV). And when you would describe the encounter in a party to your close friends including the part where all of it is nothing but a string of “blah”s , you would be highly commended for your admirable social skills, graciousness, demeanors, blah, blah and blah.

Lexicographers and sociologists working together have found that future uses of “blah” may have a greater impact on communication gap that exists today. They have realized that as we become more intolerant, impatient and constipated due to lack of words we have to say to each other, “blah” will become the bridge that will prevent our social structure from falling apart. They even simulated some tests in real time which went on something like this:

Old aged father:- Son , I think you should go and blah, blah, blahblahblah.

Son:- Dad, I already blah blahed the blah without blahen(perfect tense) the blah.

Old Aged father:- then blah blahblah to blah your blah blahblah!!!

Son:- blah?? Blah!! Blah@#$!!.

This, they believe, would constitute a highly fruitful conversation in the near future. And they do point out that “blah” will thus play a very important role, henceforth.

Students studying in engineering colleges, had however, realized the potential of “blah”, since time immemorial. Almost every college had and still has a secret society which was and still is called “the Brotherhood of the BLAHRIC BLAH”. They passed and still pass on the social etiquettes associated with “blah” to the newer generation. For example, when girls/ boys where to talk to their boyfriends/girlfriends, all of the conversation could be neatly described to their friends in a four-worded sentence, and this sentence being “blah blah blah blah”. Further the secret society also promulgated or still promulgates that if you “blah” your way in the semester exam answer sheets the chances of getting good grades were blah is to blahblah which blahbically speaking is kind of blah on the higher side.

As a signing off note all I can say that as responsible young citizens of this world we must not undermine “blah”, for one day it will be the word of true freedom(from all unwanted noise that is in our heads, ears etc), chanted by GREENPEACE, PeTA, POTA, activists and due must be given to it for blah” is eternally blah,blah,blah, and some more of blah, blah blah blah, with blah, blah and blah, blah….

BLAH!!